In Defense of Mother Church

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When the Good Lord was creating mothers, He was into His sixth day of overtime when the angel appeared and said ”You’re doing a little of fiddling around on this one.”

And the Lord said “Have you read the specs on this order?”

She has to be completely washable, but not plastic;

Run on black coffee and leftovers;

Have a lap that disappears when she stands up;

A kiss that can cure anything from a broken leg to a disappointing love affair;

And six pairs of hands.

The angel shook her head slowly and said “six pairs of hands ... no way.”

“It’s not the hands that are causing me problems,” says the Lord.  “It’s the three pairs of eyes that mothers have to have.”

“That’s on the standard model?” asked the angel.

The Lord nodded. “One pair that sees through closed doors when she ask, ‘what are you kids doing in there?’  when she already knows. Another here in the back of her head that sees what she shouldn’t but what she has to know, and of course, the ones here in front that can look at a child when he goes up and says, ‘I understand and I love you’ without so much as uttering a word.

“Lord” said the angel, touching his sleeve gently, “come to bed. Tomorrow...”

“I can’t” says the Lord, “I’m close to creating something so close to Myself. Already I have one who heals herself when she is sick. Can feed a family of six with one pound of hamburger... And get a nine-year-old to stand under a shower.”

The angel circled the model of a mother very slowly.  “It’s so soft,” she sighed.

“But tough!” said the Lord excitedly.  “You cannot imagine what this mother can do or endure.”

“Can it think?”

“Not only think, but it can reason and compromise,” said the Creator.

Finally, the angel bent over and ran her fingers across the cheek.  “There’s a leak,” she pronounced.  “I told you we were trying to put too much into this model.”

“It’s not a leak,” said the Lord, “it’s a tear.”

“What’s it for?”

“It’s for joy, sadness, disappointment, pain, loneliness and pride.”

“You’re a genius,” said the angel.

The Lord looked somber.  “I didn’t put it there.”

   Erma Bombeck

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We, at St. Helena Catholic Church, are concerned with educating, directing, and sustaining all who visit. 

In particular those who draw near to the teachings and traditions of Holy Mother Church. 

We strive to achieve this by utilizing the Cardinal Virtues of Justice, Prudence, Temperance and Fortitude.